Tuesday, May 11, 2010

New York, I Miss You

(by Danna Ray at Groundwork)
I love this tranquil print. It makes me think of being back in New York, reading in Central Park.
I remember when I first got to the city, I felt so free. The first few weeks I was there, I took in as much as I could before school started. I barely knew anyone in the city, and anyone I did know lived several subway rides away or worked all day. It was OK though because, surprisingly, I never felt lonely. I would go anywhere and everywhere I could during the day and I never looked at what time it was because who cared? I had nobody to answer to and nowhere to be.
I remember going to The Dark Knight by myself for the third time and sitting down in the enormous IMAX theater with a box of Magnolia cupcakes in my lap. I watched the movie while enjoying all that heady frosting and thought, If I died right now, I would definitely die happy.
Oh New York, sometimes I can't believe I was ever even there. I look back on my year in grad school and it flew by. It felt, for a fleeting moment, as though I were in a magical land with magical people and everything was beautiful and it was always beautiful. Even when it was annoying or ugly or complicated, it was beautiful.
I know, I know, everything is about 100x more lovely in retrospect...but thank goodness for that.
I just want to state for the record that I really love my life, wherever I may be. I'm so grateful to be back home with family and friends, out of an office and working in the comfort of my home. I know this time isn't going to last forever. In fact, as I type this, my heart is beating a little faster because I'm being reminded of how little time I have left in this perfect bubble I've created for the past year. How many people get to just take a year off and write? Good grief, I'm lucky. 
Sometimes I panic at the thought of going back to a 9-5 job soon. How petty of me, I know. But I recently realized that I panic not because the idea of a real job scares me; it's the idea that perhaps I didn't use this year off to the best of my abilities.
It's the feeling that something is slipping through your fingers and you want to hold onto it and tell it that you cherish it but you're afraid that once it slips away it never knew you felt that way. 

Do you know what I mean?

I don't want it to feel that way. 
So I'm off to get some things done.
Happy afternoon to all of you out there.