I recently picked up a tutoring job to support the writing and it's turned out to be one of the best part-time jobs I could ask for because I get to teach (mostly) charming little kids who provide amazing dialogue gems:
Freckles 6-year-old Aidan is a precious little kid with freckles all over his face who gets confronted by Little Boy #2:
Little Boy #2: What's wrong with your face?
Aidan: What do you mean?
Little Boy #2: Why are there dots all over it?
Aidan: They're called freckles. They're what make me so adorable.
Reading 6-year-old Zane pitches me an idea:
Zane: Can I, can I, can I read out silent?
Me: You mean out loud?
Zane: No, I mean out silent.
Me: Oh, you mean you want to read silently to yourself?
Zane: Nooo, I want to read out but I don't want you to hear me.
Grace with Erika and me, the maids of honor charged with "keepin' it classy" during the trip.
Last weekend was an epic road trip to Vegas. My dear friend Grace is getting married and we marked her last days as a single lady with some preeetty interesting events that went something like this...
-Piled 9 girls into a massive white van, only to drive to Barstow and park next to another massive white van stuffed with 9 guys on their way to a bachelor party. Quote from one of the guys: "How about we do a trade. Three of you girls in our van and three of us guys in your van. Deal?" No deal.
-Snuck 18 girls into the Aria suite, which immediately became strewn with clothes, makeup, shoes, a blow-up doll of Richard, candy necklaces, goofy glasses, nicknamed sashes given to each girl by Grace, truth or dare cards, and enough alcohol to fill a liquor store. Quote from Erika: "Whose panties are these?"
-Drank and danced all of Friday night at Haze...literally. We all pooped out by midnight. Quote from a few girls after 15 minutes inside: "We lost Grace! Where's Grace?" "Oh, she's upstairs." (Thirty minutes pass with us going up to the second floor of Haze looking for her.) "Ohhhh, when you said upstairs, you meant in the hotel room upstairs."
-Got pimped out at the Liquid Pool Party to an Australian guy sitting alone in a cabana with a zoot suit hanging on the wall. Strangest scenario ever. There's no quote for this one because we high-tailed it out of there.
-Dined at Mix in Mandalay Bay, where Tammy worked her charms and got herself a customized dessert...unfortunately, she couldn't save herself from the cold zucchini soup. Quote from Tammy: "What is this? Where's the bacon? There needs to be some bacon in here!"
-Took a separate van home with Nadia where a crazy man wearing white pants with mysterious stains all over them squeezed in next to us and proceeded to have this outburst about 90 minutes into the car ride:
Crazy man: "Driver! Stop the van! There's no oxygen in here!"
Crazy man: "Really, I smell carbon monoxide! I can smell it! We need to stop the van!"
Me and Nadia: "Actually, carbon monoxide is odorless."
...and they were sooo delicious! Best part? The entire thing is fat-free, vegan, and made with whole wheat. And no, it doesn't taste like cardboard. They're sweet and moist and perfect. Go here if you'd like to make your own batch. Yum!
“I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.”-Dr. Seuss